Dave The Web Guy
How to Date Successfully
06/18/2023
Answering this question in a Buffalo oriented subreddit:
Moved to Buffalo, New York recently.
Why it’s hard to date here ? What is the best way to date or meet single women without dating apps ?
I haven't had much time to be single in Buffalo but I can say that compared to other places I have lived the place requires more social proof to gain any traction. As others are saying, this town is big on pre-existing relationships, something I owe to the climate which pushes people "in" like 5 months out of the year, garnering a taste for that intimacy.
You don't make any reference to your appeal (sexual or otherwise) so it's tough to give much insight beyond that without that extra framework. Are you a "forager" or a "filterer" of social attention? If you're a "filterer" -- have high appeal -- any of the night life districts would be fine as you'll be folded into quickly just by walking into the door more than two weekends in a row, which would be true of anyplace. Chippewa Street, Allentown, or Elmwood (forgive me in my lameness I am not up to speed on the "real" places if these differ, I'm old and not tuned in entirely). In this case you might as well just be asking for a directory of the fun late night clubs and bars.
But I guess that "filterers" rarely make posts like yours since they are typically overly-saturated, socially speaking, probably too busy fighting off crazy ex partners or working through their latest divorce, or just enjoying it.
So if we assume you're a forager, take in the same nightlife but only after you have developed a network of non-mating-intentional pals. Then enter the districts and clubs I mention and play off each other well enough until the crowd feels comfortable with you to begin cross-communicating. Communicating is essential element number one once you have landed in a serendipitous hyper social environment (or really anywhere, though I am trying to humor the focus here). If you can't pass the test of joining or forming a social group, or in communicating well, that's fine, that just means that there's more work to do.
So, we move on to my personal next big mantra:
Be sure to self-develop something about yourself that is outside the realm of mating/dating at first. "What to do in Buffalo?" -- take college courses, spend money on a hobby and try to turn it into business, discover physical activities unique to the Niagara Falls region (Kayaking seems big, but be remember we have that huge waterfall, so, you know, be careful) and become at least an "enthusiast level expert" at something. Once you have developed yourself well enough to have confidence in it, you'll naturally communicate well, and like water, naturally flow to your own pond with a different kind of appeal. Pulling this off takes discipline, but that only adds to the charm as you develop.
And on my slant, try not to be offended by the distinction of being of one type or another - just certainly know which type you are so that you can formulate honestly and effectively. Nature pays off in the middle for either type.
By Dave for Personal Blog.
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